Distractions keep the world spinning.

I need a new distraction. I loved my collections job and now that's
gone. It was the best way to keep from hating life. But even then I
guess I hated life.
Becca and I used to paint. But now she's gone and its hard to paint
without her.
All of my friends are married or getting married. I ruined some of the
best friendships by making out with my guy friends. And some of my old
best friends just don't feel the same about me anymore.
What am I supposed to turn to? I've never felt comfort from praying. I
have felt good about being positive but its so hard to do that when it
seems so phony. Why does my brain have to be so difficult?
I found out that if I switch my schedule to 1:30 to 10, I will finish
school in about 2 months if I always go and basically turn my life
over to hair and work my butt off.
But even then, what am I supposed to do afterward? I'm in provo. All
of my things are in provo. I don't have a car in provo. How do I get
anywhere? My credit is ruined, I don't have a job. Pity party, I know,
but I'm trying to be objective here. What can I possibly do? I want to
move. I want to get the hell out of this city and this state. I'm sick
of all of my best friends disappearing. But the only place in the
world that I still have normal friends is south Carolina, and I came
out here to get away from my life there. I can't go back to that, can
I?
I could find opportunities elsewhere, explore other places, meet new
people, which in theory sounds great. But I don't like meeting new
people because I'm awkward and don't know what to say. And I'm sorry
but it sounds awful for me to move somewhere based on a guy. What to
do.

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