"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."*

Its been a while.

I just got back from a triple feature with Ashley. We saw Valkyrie, Bedtime Stories, and the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which might I mention was the saddest movie I have seen in a long time.

If you aren't familiar with Benjamin Button, it is in short a story of a man who is born a small baby with an old man's face, who becomes younger as the years pass, and dies as a small baby with a baby's face.

Throughout all of this, Benjamin loves a girl/woman named Daisy. When they both "catch up to each other" around 45 years old, the movie depicts the most perfect and beautiful relationship that they share. They don't fight. They love each other. They only want more of each other. They only want the best for each other.

I want this. I know it is a movie, I understand that the drama of everyday life was left out of the story. But is it wrong to hope for a relationship like this? Is it possible?

Does the "right" couple behave the "right" way in all situations? Under stress, commotion, sickness, loss? How would 45 year old Benjamin and Daisy react to these situations?

I realize this is a strange example seeing as Benjamin is living his life backwards. But separating the actual emotions they are feeling at that perfect time in their relationship from the actual characters, and comparing the emotions to my own relationships, I have to wonder if I am as passionate as they are. I wonder if my reactions to common stressful situations would be as thoughtful as either of theirs.

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After considering this, my thoughts took on a "carpe diem" tone and I began to think about what I'm doing in my life that makes me proud. If I think about life as being "but a glimpse," do these stressful situations even matter anymore? What sense does it make to argue? On that same token, what sense does it make to be with people who bring you down? What would I do if I lived my life according to what makes me completely happy? Sometimes I wonder.

*Quote courtesy of Henry David Thoreau (of course).

Distractions keep the world spinning.

I need a new distraction. I loved my collections job and now that's
gone. It was the best way to keep from hating life. But even then I
guess I hated life.
Becca and I used to paint. But now she's gone and its hard to paint
without her.
All of my friends are married or getting married. I ruined some of the
best friendships by making out with my guy friends. And some of my old
best friends just don't feel the same about me anymore.
What am I supposed to turn to? I've never felt comfort from praying. I
have felt good about being positive but its so hard to do that when it
seems so phony. Why does my brain have to be so difficult?
I found out that if I switch my schedule to 1:30 to 10, I will finish
school in about 2 months if I always go and basically turn my life
over to hair and work my butt off.
But even then, what am I supposed to do afterward? I'm in provo. All
of my things are in provo. I don't have a car in provo. How do I get
anywhere? My credit is ruined, I don't have a job. Pity party, I know,
but I'm trying to be objective here. What can I possibly do? I want to
move. I want to get the hell out of this city and this state. I'm sick
of all of my best friends disappearing. But the only place in the
world that I still have normal friends is south Carolina, and I came
out here to get away from my life there. I can't go back to that, can
I?
I could find opportunities elsewhere, explore other places, meet new
people, which in theory sounds great. But I don't like meeting new
people because I'm awkward and don't know what to say. And I'm sorry
but it sounds awful for me to move somewhere based on a guy. What to
do.

--
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Airport people watching.

I am a self-admitted people watcher. I LOVE trying to figure people out based on appearance and I think I have a pretty good grasp on it. So I'm constantly looking at people, and airports are the best place to do it, I think.
In airports, you get a taste of all different people from all over the world. And I have airport people watching down to a science. You look once at their face every 7.5 minutes unless they're far away and won't ever notice if you dare to take a second glance. I like looking at the far away people most because I get the full concept.
I see moms that are mid-40s and trying to compensate, as if all-stars and an asymmetrical haircut somehow take the years off. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for people wearing what they want, but sometimes you can just tell that its not really them.
I love trying to figure out which one is the air marshall. Obviously he's going to be alone, probably somewhere between 30 and mid 50s, and quietly and nonchalantly observant. Right now, I really can't figure it out. All the guys here that are traveling alone fit pretty well into the businessman, typing away on laptops (or probably just playing WOW since let's be honest, what can you REALLY accomplish on a computer with no internet access? DATA? Paperwork? Nah. WOW? Maybe I'm on to something... Just think about it.) or coffee-drinking husband going home from some family-related visit to Utah.
I see high school wrestlers, so excited about either the trip to come, or going home, or maybe its just the ridiculous levels of energy that some teenagers, especially those on sports teams, seem to exude.
There's a kid about 18 years old waiting to board, so anxious to do whatever he's going to do. He's grinning like a pig cause I just looked over. He has a BIG silver ring on each finger of his left hand, and some blue, white, and yellow Nike high tops that he just bought with his hard earned boy-band paycut. His hair is highlighted and spiked with such perfection that a cosmetology student such as myself is disgusted with the amount of time spent on such a tragic hairstyle. I used "such" three times in that last sentence which means I'm losing my touch so I'm going to go read now. (oh, and the new kid on the block was just waiting for his mother :])

See yall in Texas.
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My love for RayBans is blossoming!

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21 and invincible...

So I'm turning twenty-one soon. I don't really understand the point of this birthday. Maybe the point is to make it to twenty-five so my insurance payments will go down.

I'm going to take a poll: What is the point of turning twenty-one?

1. "So you can go on a mission."

2. "Being able to drink... but if you're Mormon, I don't know."

3. "Being able to gamble."

4. "Being completely legal."

My point exactly. This is the most pointless birthday I've ever had in my entire life of birthdays. Maybe I'll get some money. Amen.

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